So technically I know you’re supposed to do throwback posts on Thursday but hey, I am the Fairy Queen of my blog and if I decide it’s Throwback Saturday then it’s Throwback Saturday.
Plus I wanted to post this before I lost the courage. I wrote this in a creative writing class in high school so consider that a disclaimer all on its own. This is for Frances, the horse who we lost too young.
It was love in the end. I never loved him before I knew I was going to lose him. He was sweet, steady, and that had never been enough to move my heart. We weren’t closely bound although he certainly cared for me. Still, I think about his dark brown eyes and how desperately he needed me.
The end of it seemed to come from both heaven and hell, a gift and a deep, lingering sorrow. He needed to go and I had to let him know it was okay.
What do you say to death? Creeping through the veins, eating at the throbbing heart in his chest, reflected in his petrified gaze. What do you say to a creature who can’t understand you? Or is that presumptuous? Maybe he fully understood every word I said and every song I sang in my effort to soothe his fear of the inevitable. We were alone together for longer than we’d ever been before.
I promised him that he would be happy and young once he’d left. I promised that he had no reason to fear the end. And he believed me. The fear left his eyes and he was at peace. They came for him shortly after.
I stood at a distance, hands numbly clinging to his halter as I watched them hold my boy still before releasing him from the pain. He was gone between breaths. One moment his eyes were vivid, meeting mine. Then everything that made up the huge, gentle horse was gone and he returned to the earth.
In the end I felt for him what I never had in his life. How can you not love a frightened animal who puts all his trust in you and shows it? I adored him then and I will hold him near my heart until I see him once again.