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Before your recording, a rant wherein foul language abounds!

So here’s the thing.  There are many, many reasons to despise Fifty Shades.  Jenny covers practically all of them but I found a new little kernel of hatred ready to spring up and choke the nearest innocent bystander while working on this recent recap.  Or at least new to me personally.

Ana goes off about how her literary heroines didn’t prepare her for Christian Grey by example and says several ignorant/offensive things.  For instance she mentions that Tess would ‘succumb’.  You know, I think it’s pretty shitty to use that language about a rape victim.  Granted I’ve never read Tess of the d’Urbervilles but I have heard from pretty much everyone that Tess is raped in the novel.  Using the word succumbed implies quite a bit more consent than actually existed in that specific scenario.  Although considering this is Ana, it’s not all that surprising that she would interpret the scene that way.  Or that E.L. James would interpret it that way.

But it royally pissed me off when Ana claimed that Jane Eyre would ‘be too frightened’.  Bitch, please.  Jane Eyre could kick your ass with one witty quip that would take weeks to sink into your brain.  Then one day you would just drop to your knees and start crying without knowing why.  Christian Grey is definitely enough of a complete ass to try to talk Jane Eyre into being his submissive but after dealing with Mr. Rochester, Jane Eyre would tell him exactly where he could stick his contract in the politest terms possible.  Because that’s how Jane rolls.  She’s a goddamn word ninja.  Let’s also not forget that when Mr. Rochester tried to control her wardrobe and her daily routine, she made him respect her boundaries and like it.  Jane Eyre would literally rather starve out in the cold than be controlled by a man.

So hey, E.L. James, why don’t you shut the fuck up about Jane Eyre from now on, okay?

Now here’s what you’re all really here for.  Follow along with Jenny or miss out on the fabulous pictures.

Download here.

I don’t know if this is some glorious hallucination or even how it’s happened considering I’m out of minutes but….

Update: Okay, now I know how it happened.  The first two recaps are no longer visible on soundcloud.  Jeez.  I’ll just… fix it later.